Role Player Academy ~ Assignment 1 posted

Username:Lovelly_girl
Nickname:LG, Lovely, Lollie(In short, you can call me anything you want)
Age range: 13-17
Country:India
Experience:
I've been role playing for over a year now. I have tried being a literate role player in a few role plays, but i still think i need to improve.
What you are struggling with or would like to improve:Literacy
Example of your work:

The blizzard was too strong for the blonde. The wind kept peircing her fresh wounds, letting more blood flow out. She wiped it away like she did earlier.
Her pony tail was all poofy now and she had no other choice than to let the hair fall free. She removed the band that held her pony tail and pocketed it in her breast pocket.. She could still feel it. The touch of Kait’s smooth face.

The blonde grabbed her jacket and put it on for the wind was devastatting. She put both her hands insidethe two pockets which were in the sides of her jeans. She gripped her gun tight beneath the left pocket, too scared to reveal it. She realized that the teenage boy found out she was yeilding a weapon. A dangerous weapon.

The sixteen year old gripped the gun in her pocket. She wasn’t going to shoot – she didn’t dare. She was just trying to scare this demon – at least if that was possible. She wished with all her to shoot shoot the monsterous yet angelic looking demon ,right here and now- but again she didn’t dare.

She looked at Maylene , the pureple haired girl, with great interest . The purple haired girl clearly showed no fear at all towards the demon.
The blonde jerked backward when the purple head mentioned her enemy’s name while talking to the demon.
“Don’t talk about that stupid robot! She’s a curse!” the blonde snapped. She hated the name. She hated humanity. The evil things they brought up. The way they killed their own kind. The way the kept discovering and iventing.. Her eyebrows knit together again. She looked over her shoulder to have a look at the teenage boy behind . Her hands were still in her pockets. “Don’t stand there so confused. Try helping us out here!” she shouted.

Just then the blizzard was turning monstorous. The blonde felt her self move backward. She mumbled an oath. Stupid wind. Stupid everything.. The wind was so strong, it kept pushing her away fromdemon. ‘If you’re diong this you blood thirsty demon, thenSTOP!” The blonde shouted, hoping for a way out of all this mess..
(Told you i need to improve- This example was taken from 'And everyone becomes happy' role Play made by winnerfairy.)

Thanks for joining LG~

conflictedcolours escribió:Thanks for joining LG~

Aw, you're welcome. I posted my sample . :-)

You only needed to post one example dearie.

conflictedcolours escribió:You only needed to post one example dearie.

I know, sweetie. It was one example... I posted a literate type of Example..

Oh... Well then. I see why you said you needed help. Ahah.

conflictedcolours escribió:Oh... Well then. I see why you said you needed help. Ahah.

Um, yeah. I need lots of help right now. Firstly, i don't have much flow, as you can see..

Yeah, I can see. It's... choppy. I'll work on the first assignment tonight. We're going to start from the beginning though. Starting with role play making, as that's how I started on the other site.